My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
