Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's just like the Real World with babies
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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