By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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