I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
