she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
