I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
