I need help removing her.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
