Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
