I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
