i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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