Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
