i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
