So drunk its hurt
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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