Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
