I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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