I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
