I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize