how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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