Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
