We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
