the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
