Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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