her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
