This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
