Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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