Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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