I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
