You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
