There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
