absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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