I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
