I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
