Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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