the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize