it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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