A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
