Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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