Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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