my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize