Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
