We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
