the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
