Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
