She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
