Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
