Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
