how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
