The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
