you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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