don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
