ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
