Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize