I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
even my farts smell like vagina
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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