did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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