The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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