UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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