i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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