Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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