almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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