In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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