you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All the doctor said was why
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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