bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
