If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
