North Korea, Best Korea!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
